A Weary Widow
Grief Brain…or whatever you want to call it
Grief brain? Widow fog? I don’t know what you call it, but being a widow has really messed with my brain. Recently, I booked a flight to visit a friend. Travel is currently something that fills me with anxiety which is the total opposite of how I’ve been my whole life. But that’s another post. Using Expedia, I searched for a flight from ATL to DFW. After tedious scrolling and contemplating and considering, I finally pulled the trigger and purchased a flight. The departure times weren’t exactly what I wanted but it was practical and it worked.
As soon as I sent the confirmation text to my friend, she said she assumed I’d fly into DFW. I looked back at the booking, believing I’d selected DFW when searching. Little did I know, Expedia results were showing me Love Field airport as well. I could have unchecked that but since I’d searched by the exact airport code I thought that’s all I was seeing as my results.
Thank goodness that airport isn’t that far away but damn! I hate that because it makes me wonder what other errors I’ve been making in life. My boss is very patient with me but I do forget things and make careless errors. It drives me crazy and I know it has to annoy her too but she shows me more patience and grace than she should. Ugh.
I hate this grief shit. It sucks! It feels like I’m a lesser version of me or something. Definitely a different me. I try not to use it as an excuse for too many things but sometimes it’s the only thing I can see that would make sense for certain things. It’s hard to explain too. I try to stay focused on other things and not just sit and wallow in the grief, yet sometimes it’s consuming me more than I realize and my brain is working in overdrive to manage that. Maybe that’s why these things happen. I’m going with that today to explain this widow fog…grief brain…whatever the hell you wanna call it. Bunch a bullshit is what I call it!
Hugs, fellow grievers. This sucks.
If you’re wondering about the art above, it’s one that Brian created using nothing but his eyes. Check out more of his work on the Eye Gaze Art page. Check out our Etsy shop for more of his amazing designs. (Created while he was completely paralyzed with ALS.)
